When I bring the water to my lips, I see it. It’s not obvious, but I know it.
A question tugs at them. Yes, she has potential, but she is a foreigner.
Potential
Foreigner
A foreigner with potential. A diversity hire. An important hire. A potential foreigner.
Tell me, where are you from, Potential Foreigner?
I’m from Kerry.
But your people? Where are they from, Potential Foreigner? Where are you really from?
Is it too much to let them know that I do not know? That I know nothing of my adoption apart from stories from others. Stories from people who are no longer alive, stories that are simply that: just stories. There are no facts, no figures, no photographs of my mother or father. There are no signatures on my papers. Four words that state a truth to the state: No mother. No father.
Is it too much to ask, I wonder, not to be asked again and again, where are you from? and knowing their intention is not to accept my first answer, but rather to satisfy their curiosity when I am exhausted from explaining.
It has followed me around like a bruise, created after being bumped into day after day by questions from the curious, not meaning harm but seeking to satisfy themselves. Their reasoning seems simple: I want to know. And yet they don’t know nor care about the pain I have gone through to try and know. Over years of searching, but then accepting that I will not know.
Oh, yes, I know.
I know that their questions are innocent because I have been told that is what they are and how I should feel of them. Just questions. Not harm. Why would I not want to hear of their trips to Asia? Or adoration of Japanese food? Or their Ni Hao? I should trust what they say, and all of it is this, I’ve been told it is harmless.
My dear friend, it is not that I don’t want to share; it is that I want to be the one who shares.
You will not like my answer, though. For it is always Kerry first, Ireland second, Vietnam third. This is no fault of my own, no fault of any, but a truth of mine.
A proud Kerrywoman
A proud Irishwoman
Born in Vietnam
Three truths to form this person. Formed of innocence and living as a Potential Foreigner for 34 years in a country that will always question her skin.